Update

 As many of my friends and family know, I have fibromyalgia. It's not a fun disorder to have, but I want all to know that there is hope that you can better your life. I recently went through some nasty depression and felt on quite a few occasions that I was near a nervous breakdown. Went and saw a professional, and had my anti-depressant dosage increased. HOLY COW! Huge difference that has made. I feel on top of the world again.
 But, some of the most important things to do w/this illness is to make sure you take good care of yourself first. Number one is getting rid of all the toxic people in your life. Then you must make sure you are eating a healthy diet, preferably a high protein, complex carb diet w/tons of veggies and fruit. I also take magnesium, Vit. D, B complex, E, calcium, and fish oil, because I don't like fish. Another important aspect is exercise. I'm not talking a rigorous workout, but simple stretching. I suggest everyone who can go to physical therapy to learn some good ones, but you can also purchase a Pilate's or yoga DVD and obtain the same results. Walking is also good if you are able. I try to walk now as much as possible. And I've managed to stay in shape and keep up my flexibility.
 Don't ever give up either. I was bed bound 5 years ago. Out of my poor little mind, and those of you who know me well know that was scary, what little mind I have, LMAO. And yes, I've fallen into that deep dark pit called disparity and it's not always easy to pull oneself out of it. But I've managed to on numerous occasion's. I'm so grateful though for my extreme faith in God, knowing that He is always my strength and comfort. Otherwise I probably would never have pulled through.
 I had an epiphany the other day. I've been home schooling my 7 yr. old nephew now for several months. No, I'm not getting paid, but guess what? I am working part time again. I thought for sure I'd never be able to work again, especially in my field. Guess I was wrong huh? And by the time I'm finished w/my commitment to him, I feel I'll be able to work full time.
 I won't go back to the school I worked for before. Too much drama and back stabbing. Instead there are other options for me. More money in it also. I love teaching and working w/special ed. kids. It's my gift. And so, God has shown me that He is going to make sure I continue w/my gift. How awesome is that?
 So to all my dear friends and family who also have this illness, do not fret, there is hope that you can achieve better health. It's not easy, it takes work, but it can be done. I'm a living testimony to it. Plus, I also have a great nurse practitioner who listens to me, yet tells me I read too much, lol If she only knew how much I used to read about this craziness. That had to stop because I felt I was becoming my illness, and I am not that EVER.

The Bravest Man I Ever Knew

 The bravest man I ever knew wasn't someone special, except maybe to me and a few others. He wasn't a great man, in fact he had many faults. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict, just to name a few. The drugs were so bad at one point while he was living in our home that I had to kick him out. I wasn't going to risk losing my children due to him. 

 But shortly after that, he came back, and he had a cold. The cold turned into pneumonia, and we finally convinced him to go to the Dr. Boy was he mad about that one! It turned out that not only did he have pneumonia, but also stage 4 oat cell carcinoma. Lung cancer, and there is no stage 5. 

 Only twice after that did I see him cry. The first time ever in my life. First, when we told him that we were not going to make him leave again, and the second while I sat on his lap for the last time, holding each other. And his words to me were this, "Don't ever be a hypocrite." 

 Not one time during the next six months that he had left of his life did I ever hear him complain. Nor did he ever let on to us just how badly ill he was. When I read his journal after he passed I was at first filled with guilt that I didn't do more. But then, I'm also no mind reader, which soothed me eventually.

  He tried to use the oxygen that was provided for him, but didn't like it, so he didn't use it. And up until the last 4 days, he managed to care for himself fairly well on his own. I was amazed. At that time, my Uncle Jerry, Aunt Evy, and my grandmother were also here. You could feel the love that was in this house. And what a huge comfort it was to us to have them here at that time. I'll never forget that. For my first wish when I learned how ill my this man was, I wanted my Grandma in the worst way.  Now, Grandma had Alzheimers at the time, and so for the most part she didn't know who we were. But that didn't bother me in the least, because I knew who she was, and she was there like I had prayed for. 

 And just who was this brave man I knew? He was my father. Ferrell Corbit. At that time I was becoming ill myself, and he made me promise him to not give up on finding out what was the matter with me. I kept that promise, not like I had much choice. As time passed I became more and more ill. But I took a clue from my father, and I try my hardest to be brave like he was in the face of illness. When I was first diagnosed I was bed bound and hand't been able to drive for about 5 months. I didn't drive for another 11 months later. 

 I didn't lay down in my bed either and just give up. I learned everything I could about my illness, and I've done everything I can to get better. I'll never be "cured" from this, but I can live happily with it. I have my father to thank for his awesome show of bravery. It gives me courage when times get dark for me. I also know that I am going to get even a little more healthier as time goes on, because I refuse to give up. His show of bravery in the fact of such a horrible illness is what keeps me going, and I feel as if that is my inheritance from him. How blessed am I?

  I remember one of the first things the Dr. told me when I was first diagnosed w/fibromyalgia was to destress my life. Right, was what I was thinking. He had no clue. LOL 
  Clinical depression is part of fibro. And depression hit me hard for awhile. Without getting into it too much, things came to a big head last weekend. I was at the point of going to live somewhere else where I could find peace and respect. 
I finally managed to get my point across. I've had the peace and respect this week that I need. The difference it has made in the way I feel physically is magnificent. I sure love my guys. 

Just a Little Update

 Last winter I was sent to physical therapy once again for my "issues". Did you know that you could somehow get your pelvic bone out of place? I had NO CLUE!  None whatsoever until then anyway. But I got it put back where it belongs, and Holy Cow, what a difference it has made. Huge. Huge Huge Huge. Um, did I mention HUGE? LOL 

 I've also been making hard candies. Many of you know I'm a medical cannabis user, have been for many years. Long before it was ever called that. We won't go there today, :) But, I'm making a cannabis candy using a green tea extract that really seems to be giving me some relief and more energy. Plus the vitamins I'm still taking. That means I'm now down to only 3 medications a day on most days. Instead of the handful plus I could be on. UGH, no thank you. 

 I also make candy with fever few in it. The only problem with fever few is with constant use it causes mouth sores. Not a good thing, but it's great for when the pain is really really bad.  And using it in candy instead of a tea or just eating a couple of leaves is so much tastier. ;) Thankfully, I haven't had a need for it in quite awhile now. 

 But, I have been flaring now, going on almost 2 weeks.  We have new neighbors. We share a back fence. I have small dogs, they have 3 pit bulls. I also have a chow cross. There's a wolf in his woodpile somewhere too. A couple of months ago, he got into it with them through the fence. Thankfully, even though the male had him by his neck, he wasn't hurt. 

 Then, the other day, the guys had their dogs out. Vincent naturally ran straight for the back fence and through it somewhere he went. Those 3 dogs were on him instantly! If it weren't for Rob and 'Possum, poor Vincent would of been a goner for sure. But they rescued him, Rob drove him to the vet in the Limo, and he came home 3 days later. That's when I fell to pieces naturally, LOL 

 He's doing so much better and should have his staples out this week. The back fence is now little dog proofed, we hope. But let me tell you what...If I ever see those dogs running loose, well, the 30/30 is definitely now loaded! 

My New Years Resolution

Unlike most people, I always try to make a resolution that I KNOW I can keep. Simple little things that I feel enriches my life. For instance, I used to be very bad about making the bed. Why bother? Just going to get back in it and mess it up again. That was my attitude anyway. But one year, making the bed daily became my resolution. What a huge difference one little thing made. I love making the bed now. I've also invested in decent bedding so we have a nice pretty bed.
This years resolution was to declutter my house and get it clean. If any of you reading this have fibro, or you know someone who does, you know that sometimes house work can fall by the wayside. But I didn't wait until Jan. 1st to get started on my resolution. Once I had made up my mind to do it, I got excited about it.
I've been reasonable with this resolution too. I have refused to set a time goal for myself. Why? Because I know that there are going to be days that I'll be unable to get much if anything accomplished. So, it's just whatever I can do that day. Unfortunately, in my quest to declutter, I got behind in the laundry. :(
But, I must say, it's coming along quite nicely. We got rid of 2 large pieces of furniture that was only collecting dust, which has made our living room much roomier. I've also managed to muck out a few years worth of clutter in our bedroom. Why is it that the master bedroom becomes the catchall for the junk in the home?
My biggest challenge in all of this though isn't my fibromyalgia. Go figure huh? Nope, it's my husband! That man is worse than a child when it comes to picking up after himself. I swear as soon as he hits the door, he starts putting stuff down here, there, just about everywhere! And leaves it! The funniest thing is, he constantly tells people there are no maids in our home.
But since I've made more improvement in the last week, I've also noticed he is trying to be a bit neater. Also, getting our bedroom decluttered and looking better will be a motivator to finally finish the remodeling work in there. I sure would like pretty walls and a real closet someday!

The Dragon Grins

A friend of mine posted this for me and a couple of others who also have fibromyalgia. This is a very profound writing, it caused me to cry.

The doctor explains to me that I have a Dragon that has come to possess me. This Dragon is mean. This Dragon is deceiving and destructive. "But" the doctor says, "We can work at keeping this Dragon down." "What is this Dragon's name?" I ask. The doctor in his professional calmness says "The Dragon is FMS." The doctor explains to me ways we are going to keep him down. "Feed the Dragon some meds like Trazodone or Elavil. Do some light exercise, maybe the Dragon will get tired and leave you alone for a while." I turn to leave and for the first time I see this Dragon. He looks at me with those evil yellow eyes, and the Dragon grins.
I say to myself that Dragons can be slain. I read that in stories at school. The armor clad knight slaying the Dragon and triumphantly returning to town. As I am in this daydream the Dragon jumps on me. I wrestle with him. His hot breath sears my head. His roar makes my ears ring. He leaves me in a pile of flesh on the ground. I ache all over. Some parts of my body are painful to touch. I am exhausted as I pick myself back up again. The Dragon looks back to me -- and the Dragon grins.
"I hate you Dragon." I scream as he walks away. I feed the Dragon the medication prescribed. Slowly at first, then increasing a little as time goes by. I do begin a little exercise. I change some of my diet and increase the carbohydrates. I am starting to feel better. Wow! I can go back to work now. With joy I move about relatively pain free. And I say to myself, "Maybe I have beat this Dragon. Maybe the Dragon was only my imagination. I was just a little depressed and down, but now life is great." I look to the sky and see dark clouds looming....
A cold North wind starts to blow. I hear a thunderous pounding of footsteps. I have heard that sound watching Jurassic park, but I'm not watching the movie. Boom..... Boom... Boom... I don't see anything. Boom...Boom... I panic and start to run. I don't know where to run, but I just run. The pounding gets closer and louder. I feel breath on my neck. I dare not turn around as I try to run faster...faster. A claw grabs my shoulder. Searing hot pain rips down my back. I stumble and get back up. This time something trips me and I roll to my back, staring upward. Terror runs through my body. The Dragon has returned!
"You can't escape" the Dragon yells, "YOU ARE MINE!!" I try to get up as the Dragon slams my body back to the ground. I can hardly stand the pain as he tortures me by stomping my hands. With his teeth he pulls at muscles in my back and legs. He burns my head with intense fiery breath. The battle is finally over. He stares at my crumpled body as I try to get focused on this beast. My eyes finally clear enough to see, and the Dragon grins.
Days pass. My fingers no longer work like they used to. My muscles feel like the second day of Olympic training, but the sensation does not leave. My head is not clear. I do not see well at night. Parts of me are cold and clammy. I am stiff. Why did the Dragon beat me so hard? When I try to sleep, the Dragon slaps me awake several times at night. Sometimes I am freezing. In bed I awake drenched in sweat. It hurts to stand. It hurts to sit. My mind says one thing and my mouth says another. And the Dragon grins.
Sometimes I think I am in a nightmare and will just someday wake up, the real me. I don't look sick, so why do I feel so bad. Friends and family laugh when I mess up on my words talking to them. I feel stupid looking in the refrigerator and not knowing why or walking around in circles either not finding what I was after or forgetting what I was looking for. If I am driving at night and it starts to rain, the road disappears. And it is not uncommon to go somewhere and then make wrong turns coming back. My mind said turn right, but my body said left. I can go somewhere and not remember how I got there. I am not dumb, just not "connected" anymore. Outwardly I laugh and play, but inside I have to cry sometimes. And the Dragon grins.......

Today...

I really don't think I like this illness much. I awoke around 2 a.m. feeling wide awake. Also feeling the urgent need for a bowel movement. Great, just what I want or need. Fortuanately though, I was able to get back to sleep this time. But I had to take a pain pill.
And that's another thing, all the flipping medications that are necessary to feel some semblance, minute though it may be, of normalacy. Ha!! That's such a joke. Normalacy, what is that? In just the first half of my day I take enough medications that a "normal" person would be zombified for a week.
All right, enough of the negativity. I am after all able to sit outside right now and enjoy this glorious morning. The peace and quiet. My dogs are laying her next to me and there are butterflies and bees flying around me. I can hear the cockatiels singing in the front yard, thier sound is so pretty when they aren't squaking. LOL
I am feeling a bit down today. I have been going to physical therapy now for 3 weeks. Finally, yesterday, I felt something "break free". I have terrible lower back, hip, and leg pain and that is what I'm being treated for. But I guess for that step foreward, there must be some type of payment expeted, because boy am I sure paying for it today!
That just tells me to take it easy today, no exercises except minimal stretching. Maybe even a nice soak in the tub later. Pamper myself today. :)