The Bravest Man I Ever Knew

 The bravest man I ever knew wasn't someone special, except maybe to me and a few others. He wasn't a great man, in fact he had many faults. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict, just to name a few. The drugs were so bad at one point while he was living in our home that I had to kick him out. I wasn't going to risk losing my children due to him. 

 But shortly after that, he came back, and he had a cold. The cold turned into pneumonia, and we finally convinced him to go to the Dr. Boy was he mad about that one! It turned out that not only did he have pneumonia, but also stage 4 oat cell carcinoma. Lung cancer, and there is no stage 5. 

 Only twice after that did I see him cry. The first time ever in my life. First, when we told him that we were not going to make him leave again, and the second while I sat on his lap for the last time, holding each other. And his words to me were this, "Don't ever be a hypocrite." 

 Not one time during the next six months that he had left of his life did I ever hear him complain. Nor did he ever let on to us just how badly ill he was. When I read his journal after he passed I was at first filled with guilt that I didn't do more. But then, I'm also no mind reader, which soothed me eventually.

  He tried to use the oxygen that was provided for him, but didn't like it, so he didn't use it. And up until the last 4 days, he managed to care for himself fairly well on his own. I was amazed. At that time, my Uncle Jerry, Aunt Evy, and my grandmother were also here. You could feel the love that was in this house. And what a huge comfort it was to us to have them here at that time. I'll never forget that. For my first wish when I learned how ill my this man was, I wanted my Grandma in the worst way.  Now, Grandma had Alzheimers at the time, and so for the most part she didn't know who we were. But that didn't bother me in the least, because I knew who she was, and she was there like I had prayed for. 

 And just who was this brave man I knew? He was my father. Ferrell Corbit. At that time I was becoming ill myself, and he made me promise him to not give up on finding out what was the matter with me. I kept that promise, not like I had much choice. As time passed I became more and more ill. But I took a clue from my father, and I try my hardest to be brave like he was in the face of illness. When I was first diagnosed I was bed bound and hand't been able to drive for about 5 months. I didn't drive for another 11 months later. 

 I didn't lay down in my bed either and just give up. I learned everything I could about my illness, and I've done everything I can to get better. I'll never be "cured" from this, but I can live happily with it. I have my father to thank for his awesome show of bravery. It gives me courage when times get dark for me. I also know that I am going to get even a little more healthier as time goes on, because I refuse to give up. His show of bravery in the fact of such a horrible illness is what keeps me going, and I feel as if that is my inheritance from him. How blessed am I?

  I remember one of the first things the Dr. told me when I was first diagnosed w/fibromyalgia was to destress my life. Right, was what I was thinking. He had no clue. LOL 
  Clinical depression is part of fibro. And depression hit me hard for awhile. Without getting into it too much, things came to a big head last weekend. I was at the point of going to live somewhere else where I could find peace and respect. 
I finally managed to get my point across. I've had the peace and respect this week that I need. The difference it has made in the way I feel physically is magnificent. I sure love my guys. 

Just a Little Update

 Last winter I was sent to physical therapy once again for my "issues". Did you know that you could somehow get your pelvic bone out of place? I had NO CLUE!  None whatsoever until then anyway. But I got it put back where it belongs, and Holy Cow, what a difference it has made. Huge. Huge Huge Huge. Um, did I mention HUGE? LOL 

 I've also been making hard candies. Many of you know I'm a medical cannabis user, have been for many years. Long before it was ever called that. We won't go there today, :) But, I'm making a cannabis candy using a green tea extract that really seems to be giving me some relief and more energy. Plus the vitamins I'm still taking. That means I'm now down to only 3 medications a day on most days. Instead of the handful plus I could be on. UGH, no thank you. 

 I also make candy with fever few in it. The only problem with fever few is with constant use it causes mouth sores. Not a good thing, but it's great for when the pain is really really bad.  And using it in candy instead of a tea or just eating a couple of leaves is so much tastier. ;) Thankfully, I haven't had a need for it in quite awhile now. 

 But, I have been flaring now, going on almost 2 weeks.  We have new neighbors. We share a back fence. I have small dogs, they have 3 pit bulls. I also have a chow cross. There's a wolf in his woodpile somewhere too. A couple of months ago, he got into it with them through the fence. Thankfully, even though the male had him by his neck, he wasn't hurt. 

 Then, the other day, the guys had their dogs out. Vincent naturally ran straight for the back fence and through it somewhere he went. Those 3 dogs were on him instantly! If it weren't for Rob and 'Possum, poor Vincent would of been a goner for sure. But they rescued him, Rob drove him to the vet in the Limo, and he came home 3 days later. That's when I fell to pieces naturally, LOL 

 He's doing so much better and should have his staples out this week. The back fence is now little dog proofed, we hope. But let me tell you what...If I ever see those dogs running loose, well, the 30/30 is definitely now loaded!